They're only innocent until proven guilty.

Dec - MAMA! 

Me -  Yes?

Dec - My claws are sharp. They need to be cut, I don't want to scratch any innocent animals.

Don't forget to clear your browser history.

This quote is from Christian, Dec's older brother.  He was talking to me and just blurted out this gem in the middle of the conversation.  -

I have a lot of questions I need answered.  But not from you, I'm saving them for Google.

My heart has so much love for this kid.

I love you as much as the universe.  And the universe is never ending.

I need to block Animal Planet on our TV.

"I hope I get a pregnant female dog for Christmas."

Wait, what? What just happened?

"Look the King Orange wants you to have his honor peels!  And his crown!"

Then he grunts and pulls out the white stem thing in the middle and adds it to the pile.  Then he walks away.  My own child just trolled me in real life into throwing away his orange peel for him.

“To live is to war with trolls.” 
― Henrik Ibsen

My kids have a lottery plan, do you?

Dec-  Momma, what would you do if you win $100 million dollars?
Me-   Oh, gee.  I don't know, what would you do?
Dec-  I would buy a mansion.  Some candy.  A couch and a TV.  And netflix plus a CD(DVD) player.
Christian (the older brother)- But you can't just rush into buying things like a CD player and xbox.  You have to make sure you can pay your bills first.
Dec-  But I'd buy a bed too.

Cogito ergo sum.

Decaln (to older brother) You're a sassy pants!
Christian (the older brother)  Nu-uh!  You are!
Declan (in a very serious voice) Wait, how did you know?

OSHA Approved

After a busy day. "I just need a break from the real world."

If it's not too much to ask for...

I would eat it if it was healthy and tasted like cheetos.

-Declan on what he wishes for in a salad dressing.

The fruit of knowledge.

We went to an apple orchard today and this is what Declan told one of the apples as he was picking it:  Not so fun now, apple.  Not so fun when we eat you.

Shoes make the man.

I'm a girl!  Look at my shoes, that's how you can tell.

Dream big.

While watching Jem and the Holograms:

Unicorns have wings?
Dream on, girl.



(They've watched all the "good" shows on Netflix and are now trying out all my childhood cartoons from the 80's.)

Duh.

At lunchtime there was a rainstorm, instead of eating his lunch Declan went out to play in the rain.  So around 2 pm he comes inside and eats his lunch while watching the GI Joe show from when I was a kid.  After he finished his stir-fry and rice we have this conversation:

Dec - Where is my grilled cheese?
Me  - I didn't make you one.
Silence for about 20 seconds and then he sighs loudly.
Me  - Would you like one?
Dec - OF COURSE!  What did you expect?

Get used to life disappointing you.

You ruined my cereal experience.


(We ran out of milk and I forgot to buy more.)

A sandwich we can all agree on.

Don't put just syrup and honey in my sandwich.

He likes all the colors, together.

I only want white underwear in my life.

Sometimes you have to treat yo self.

Yes!  Pancakes!  I want my own this time...

Is that in cubic feet?

Declan - Hey Christian, you left your foot dirt in the tub.
Christian - How much?
Declan - A whole foot's full.

Get in my belly!

After eating his waffle Dec said,
"That warm waffle is no longer on this earth."

The Giving Tree.

While Declan was eating an apple, "Mmmmmm I don't know what the workers put in this, but I like it."

He has become self-aware. My job is done.

Dec comes running up to me, "I'm bleeding!  I've got a cut on my finger."

Me, "What did you get a cut from?"

Dec, "For learning something I can't do."


I spent the next few minutes trying to get the story out of him and bandaging him up, but all he would say is, "I learned a valuable lesson from the scissors today."

Happy birthday Dec!

Way to make it to 7!  You are a joy and I'm so happy to be a part of your life!

Not his virtue.

I have patience, but I get hungry.

Positive reinforcement for adaptive behavior.

We went through the bank drive-thru and the teller gave the kids stickers.

Declan has plans for those stickers.  "I'm saving these stickers in case of a Zombie Apocalypse   I'll use these stickers to train the zombies."

How fast does your boat go?

Declan: What's the boat that's faster than an octopus and a shark?

Me: Ummmmm a jet?

Declan: That's it.

Health nut.

I ate an all sugar cake.  I need one of your smoothies(kale, spinach and blueberries) to zero out the sugar.

It's ok. He's comfortable.

I'm double blanket-ed.  I'm very comfortable.

Ladies man.

The ladies hate him.  So I gave him a haircut.

Seriously, this kid has discerning tastes.

Orange m&ms go with cheese and meat.

A child of discerning tastes.

When ke$ha came on the radio:

Please turn that sound down, mama.

Taking turns.

Christian, can I please have a turn on top of the refrigerator?

Probably cleaner than the local pool.

While looking at the pets in Petco...

Oh look, the cats get a swimming pool of poop.

Keeping the memories alive.

I'm keeping my eye on the memory of Trisha and Ryan's wedding.

(He's talking about wanting to keep a memory forever.)

He has the moves.

I hit the dance floor.
I showed my moves.
I struck those moves.

Who's That?

I didn't know him until I met him.

Urban Jungle.

Dec-Why do we have to check on Jet? (Jet is Grandma and Grandpa's dog)
Me- Because Grandma and Grandpa are in Chicago for the day.
Dec- Oh.  Are they spending money there?
Me- I'm sure.
Dec- Are they spending their money to survive?

The View From the Couch.

I want to see the whole entire movie, so don't put your head in front of it.

All He Needs.

I have a jet pack and a pickax.  Just perfect.